Kristallnacht anyone?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/we're poor but proud-Pakis out!!!!

Can’t decide whether this is a bit scary, or just something that everyone should consider it their civic duty to take the piss out of. It’s like a scene from "This is England" isn’t it?

This kind of thing seems to have been on the increase for the last few years. Not sure why, but I’m fairly sure that extreme stupidity may be a factor.

What do you get when you mix cheap alcohol with a simmering resentment against foreigners? Hurrah!! A new national holiday!

Lets all spend the end of the night stumbling about on a roundabout wearing a St George’s Flag wrapped around our cocks and waving a plastic sword. That will show those foreign cunts that England is still a force to be reckoned with on the world stage!

Oddly enough St George was himself Asian. It’s true, but if you try to tell anyone that you will get lynched. Everyone seems to think he came from Castleford or something. “Our beloved St George? A Fucking Slant-eye Sooty Bastard Turk Fucker? Fuck Off!!!”. Fools, fools…

To be honest, this “festival” does seem to be quite innocuous and mainly "Merrie England" ” type bollocks. It’s just I don’t trust any event where people are wearing national dress and smiling too much.

Doubtless this fuckwittedness will be reflected in the local elections. The last time I voted I was given the choice of:

• ·Labour (indistinguishable from Conservative)
• ·Liberal (pointless by it’s very nature_
• ·Conservative (indistinguishable from Labour)
• ·The BNP (the friendly face of fascism)
• ·A party with a name like “National Democrats” (which although innocuous sounding are fucking nutbags and apparently even the BNP have told it’s members to distance themselves from them)
• ·Some form of even more extreme “Super Nazi” party whose name I forget (whose only policy was along the lines of “we will drive around the area in sinister black van with a colour chart, shooting people who are on the darker side-oh yes, and we’ll keep the Post Office open”)

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t want to live in a Nazi Police state, and it is nice that we're being asked…

On an unrelated note, over the last few months I seem to be getting comments on this blog from people I’ve never heard of before. Thanks, it’s most appreciated

The unexpected effects of some incredibly strong pain killers…

In the absence of any paracetamol I asked around the office for some pian killers earlier this morning for a headache I had. I was offered a number of products, including what appears to be a codeine based drug called Solpadol, which has turned out to be fucking brilliant.

It’s one of those “WARNING-don’t make any fucking plans” type opiate drugs. Most of my previous experiences of drugs were with stimulants and/or psychoactive drugs, and I have had very little exposure to prescriptions or opiate type drugs so I am really noticing the difference-I’m actually being pleasant to people. Mmmmmm…. Warm and fuzzy…….

One other notable side effect of it is that I am having trouble carrying out complex tasks, or indeed following conversations. I just sit here letting it all wash over me. I think this is what it must be like to be thick! It’s not that bad really you know. I certainly feel I can relate better to a lot of my colleagues at the moment as well.

In the past I’d always felt a bit sorry for stupid people (I think lots of people are-we sometimes wonder whether it hurts as well) but there really isn’t any need to be. They are really quite happy bumbling along eating their Gregg’s pasties and talking about soap operas. They merely require their bread and circuses and all is well with their small closed worlds.

I do however have some concerns regarding their productivity-I’m a bit thick today and I simply can’t work hard enough or fast enough to do my job adequately. Consistently thick people must cost the economy of this country unimaginable sums of money each year.

Is there nothing that can be done?

I’m getting a message from the other side…

Is there someone out there called John?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/credulous fools

Looks like they are finally doing something about fucking “mediums”. About fucking time too. At best they are misguided fat women with too many cats and far too much imagination and at worst they are fraudulent shysters preying on the most vulnerable and gullible sectors of society.

The Spiritualist Workers association has complained because they believe that what they do is part of a valid religious framework (and not an excuse to print money with impunity at all) and so they should be allowed to continue talking in funny voices whilst clawing the cash in.

On the face of it I’ve personally got nothing against people exploiting those in vulnerable positions (that would be rather churlish since I’ve been trying to persuade people in social services care that I am the “God of Downs Syndrome"), it’s the ham-fisted Victorian parlour trickery of it coupled with the woolly minded gullibility of the victims that really pisses me off, combined with my drastically rationalistic view of the world.

There’s no “God” in this universe, there’s no such thing as “magic” and Harry fucking Potter isn’t real either.

I think people with these kinds of attitudes are anachronisms. You know who believed in Spirituality? Adolf Hitler-that’s who. You know else believes in spirituality? Cilla Black-that’s who. I rest my case.

Their current angry response to this issue also begs the question-Did they not see this coming?

Who knew there were that many of them?

Yikes...

The Wee Tiny Folk

More than enough for a few sequels to “Time Bandits” anyway…

Sooty’s looking good

Because I am becoming a boring middle aged old fart I happened to watch Locks and Quays last night (my excuse is that it was about Leeds). It’s presented by Mathew Corbett (the bloke who used to do “Sooty” when we were kids) who mysteriously still looks exactly the same as he did about 25 years ago.

For a bloke who’s about 60, he’s in fantastic shape, which leads me to believe that the secret of looking young in late middle age is not exercise, diet, cholesterol monitoring or moisturising creams with unlikely ingredients, but is in fact simple hand puppetry.

I think it’s worth a try anyway. I think about half an hour a week spent with a pair of old socks on my hands should suffice.

If you’re not a revolutionary when you’re 20, you haven’t got a heart. If you’re not a reactionary by the time you’re 30, you haven’t got a brain…

Well, everything I have ever said about the underclass appears to be vindicated by this:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/west_yorkshire/7337258.stm

I’ve not had chance to comment on this situation before. Thankfully I’ve not needed to, as the television coverage of vermin dancing in the streets of west Yorkshire in “support” of the family has described the situation far better than I ever could. There’s not that many places where they could hold an impromptu street party in the early afternoon of a workday and everybody on the estate could attend is there?

It would appear that pretty much the entire family of the poor girl are in some way responsible for arranging the kidnapping, probably for financial gain. Nice.

Several flaws in the plan of course-a handful of extremely thick people really can’t be expected to outwit the entire west Yorkshire police force, however hard they try. It’s hardly “Ocean’s Eleven” is it?

Also most surprised to discover that Karen Mathews, despite her haggard looks (she could easily be a body double for Bella Emberg) is only 32. I suppose that’s what happens when “Mums go the Iceland”.

On an unrelated (but still extremely right wing) note, does anyone else think that as they are paying through the nose for these fuckwits to breed we should at least have a say in how the children are brought up?

Several hundred pounds are taken out of my wage each month to support the feckless- I imagine that should pay for at least a couple of their brats. In much the same way that you can sponsor a child in the developing world (cue voiceover advert: “Just £10 a day will keep Chardonnay-Topaz’s mother in Blue WKD and Lambert & Butler” or “Kelly –Marie has to walk up to 500 yards each day to buy Pot Noodles to feed her family”), I’d like to know the names of the ones I’m paying for, and would appreciate regular reports of their progress. In the sprit if Victorian Philanthropism I’d like to pay for them to go to a decent military school, in hopes that this might break the cycle of dependency.

Tough love-that’s what I’m all about…