I have spent quite some time wondering about the state of my mental health since I started writing this blog thing. Is it normal to feel this much hatred, anger and contempt? And even if it is, is it normal to write it down for the entire world to see (a moot point I know, as I suspect I know everyone who reads this)?
I suspect it might be healthier than bottling it all up, although I might be wrong. Maybe all the psychologists and stuff will change their minds about that and start telling people just to shut the fuck up and get on with things. And who’d blame them?
So I’ve been on a search to find people even more angry than I am (they do exist, however many of them are incarcerated), and have found these guys-the National Secular Society. They are a bit of a single issue group really, and you get the impression most of them have been fiddled with by Vicars at some point during childhood, but it's amusing nonetheless. Well, amusing in a “we’re really angry about something that most people couldn’t give a shit about” kind of way. In that way it’s very similar to reading the letters page in a local newspaper really.
It’s as shame that my parents didn’t bother getting me christened as it means that now I can’t write rude letters to religious authorities about it. Well, I suppose I can if I want, but they wouldn’t really have much substance to them:
Dear Vicar
Erm... Fuck Off!
Love
Fat Edgar
Friday 27 July 2007
Thursday 26 July 2007
This creature must be destroyed....
Anyone seen this? Absolutely mental.
BURN IT WITH HAMMERS!!!! That’s what I say.
The report omitted any mention of whether it also has glowing red eyes and hisses “Their sssouls are now minneeee…..” as well.
Mind you, it’s not that unusual I suppose-when I was a child my gerbils used to tell me to kill prostitutes.
BURN IT WITH HAMMERS!!!! That’s what I say.
The report omitted any mention of whether it also has glowing red eyes and hisses “Their sssouls are now minneeee…..” as well.
Mind you, it’s not that unusual I suppose-when I was a child my gerbils used to tell me to kill prostitutes.
Tuesday 24 July 2007
7 wet in worst floods since this time last week
Anyone else getting a bit sick of these kinds of “headlines”? It’s not really news anymore is it? As far as I am aware (or for that matter care) Lincolnshire has been under water since April.
Apparently some areas of Britain have received up to 1 centimetre of rainfall, causing havoc to the local infrastructure. What? Have I missed something and do we live in a third world country now? Perhaps we do, and if so: “Heed my Words!!! Sky God is angry-he sends you his tears! Give me gold and I will make him stop!”
As far as I know less than 10 people have died throughout this episode (and 2 of them lived in Hull, so it was pretty much a merciful release for them), and those that have died have been as the result of tragic accidents and other factors, and unfortunately tragic accidents do happen to people regardless of weather conditions.
The media meanwhile produce more and more bloody lazy journalism with identikit footage of a local news reporter carrying an umbrella and wearing Wellingtons saying: “Well, as you can see, it’s very wet here” followed by short interview with an old couple who have very wet downstairs carpets, and a mysteriously smudged photograph album.
My response is: Would it not be wise, perhaps if you live next to a river, maybe on very flat land and if it hasn’t stopped raining for 3 months to perhaps think about taking some stuff upstairs? Especially if, as seems so depressingly common, this actually happened to you last fucking year as well…
Apparently some areas of Britain have received up to 1 centimetre of rainfall, causing havoc to the local infrastructure. What? Have I missed something and do we live in a third world country now? Perhaps we do, and if so: “Heed my Words!!! Sky God is angry-he sends you his tears! Give me gold and I will make him stop!”
As far as I know less than 10 people have died throughout this episode (and 2 of them lived in Hull, so it was pretty much a merciful release for them), and those that have died have been as the result of tragic accidents and other factors, and unfortunately tragic accidents do happen to people regardless of weather conditions.
The media meanwhile produce more and more bloody lazy journalism with identikit footage of a local news reporter carrying an umbrella and wearing Wellingtons saying: “Well, as you can see, it’s very wet here” followed by short interview with an old couple who have very wet downstairs carpets, and a mysteriously smudged photograph album.
My response is: Would it not be wise, perhaps if you live next to a river, maybe on very flat land and if it hasn’t stopped raining for 3 months to perhaps think about taking some stuff upstairs? Especially if, as seems so depressingly common, this actually happened to you last fucking year as well…
Another Series of Half Arsed Ideas, Poorly Executed...
I have decided to swallow my pride and buy a copy of the latest Harry Potter tonight, however I’m going to just read the last chapter, write a short synopsis of it then email it to everyone in the company with the subject header “Important directive from Board, please read”.
I’m also writing a novel myself now (under the name “Chad Steel IV”). I’ve been trying to catch the cultural zeitgeist, so I have had a quick look around the “literature” section in ASDA and have come up with the working title “The Arthurian Crusader Nazi Paradox Atlantis Freemason’s List Wizard Roswell Theorem Raider”. You can probably expect to see it in Charity shops from next summer onwards.
The actual content is of course complete garbage and largely irrelevant, as it’s meant to be read by people who are either on holiday and/or the educationally sub-normal. However it does feature Elvis, Adolf Hitler, Princess Diana and Jade Goody (and a range of glamorous locations) so I’m hoping it will appeal to a very wide range of fucking cretins. If I can get a decent foreword written by Andy McNab or Derek Acorah to get it started I think I’m definitely onto a winner with it.
I’m also writing a novel myself now (under the name “Chad Steel IV”). I’ve been trying to catch the cultural zeitgeist, so I have had a quick look around the “literature” section in ASDA and have come up with the working title “The Arthurian Crusader Nazi Paradox Atlantis Freemason’s List Wizard Roswell Theorem Raider”. You can probably expect to see it in Charity shops from next summer onwards.
The actual content is of course complete garbage and largely irrelevant, as it’s meant to be read by people who are either on holiday and/or the educationally sub-normal. However it does feature Elvis, Adolf Hitler, Princess Diana and Jade Goody (and a range of glamorous locations) so I’m hoping it will appeal to a very wide range of fucking cretins. If I can get a decent foreword written by Andy McNab or Derek Acorah to get it started I think I’m definitely onto a winner with it.
Monday 23 July 2007
Harry Fucking Potter
I won’t go on about this too much. I just don’t have enough time and it will get me far, far too angry…
I think it’s enough just to say:
“Adults, up all night, dressed as wizards, waiting for a book. For a fucking book.”
You need to get your fucking heads looked at people...
Hopefully once they have made the film of this one, this should signal the end of this rather tiresome period in popular culture and we can all move on-I won't have to listen to this kind of fucking rubbish from fools anymore:
“Ooo… But have you read the books Fat Edgar??? Have you??? I'll lend you them!!! I've got them all on my bookshelf where books for grown-ups should be!!!!They’re really good-adults can read them too you know…”
Well, yes I’ll grant you that they can, but adults can also read fucking Noddy as well if they want to-it doesn’t make it right, it just means that normally you would expect them to be handicapped…. Fucking bottom feeders…
Just move on…
Daniel Radcliffe already has, bless him. He’s now in a play where he fucks a horse. I bet his grandma’s really proud of him now… “Oh Danny, not only were you in a series of films which touched the souls of an entire generation, but now you’re up to your spuds in dobbin…”
Perhaps now I will also be able to finally shift a few copies of my own series of children's books: "The Adventures of Young Adolf"...
I think it’s enough just to say:
“Adults, up all night, dressed as wizards, waiting for a book. For a fucking book.”
You need to get your fucking heads looked at people...
Hopefully once they have made the film of this one, this should signal the end of this rather tiresome period in popular culture and we can all move on-I won't have to listen to this kind of fucking rubbish from fools anymore:
“Ooo… But have you read the books Fat Edgar??? Have you??? I'll lend you them!!! I've got them all on my bookshelf where books for grown-ups should be!!!!They’re really good-adults can read them too you know…”
Well, yes I’ll grant you that they can, but adults can also read fucking Noddy as well if they want to-it doesn’t make it right, it just means that normally you would expect them to be handicapped…. Fucking bottom feeders…
Just move on…
Daniel Radcliffe already has, bless him. He’s now in a play where he fucks a horse. I bet his grandma’s really proud of him now… “Oh Danny, not only were you in a series of films which touched the souls of an entire generation, but now you’re up to your spuds in dobbin…”
Perhaps now I will also be able to finally shift a few copies of my own series of children's books: "The Adventures of Young Adolf"...
More about utterly awful concerts
Hello Weston-Super-Mare!!!
Did anyone see any coverage of the “T4 on the beach” bloody awful outdoor concert yesterday? Bilge of the highest order in my view. I’m not keen on outdoor concerts anyway (Glastonbury is a different matter), especially ones on the beach. And in Weston Super Mare. So not my sort of thing at all really.
Outdoor gigs are usually rubbish anyway, unless you actually like spending 2 hours queuing for a piss with a load of drunk, angry sunburned Geordies. Apparently the highlight of yesterday’s gig was a performance by “Dizzee Rascal”. For fucks sake…
The best song in the world is inside my head anyway-it’s my own arrangement of “Gold” by Spandau Ballet. It’s fucking brilliant, and the only barrier to getting it released and it going platinum and me being extremely fucking rich and buying a massive chimpanzee farm is that I unfortunately can’t sing as well in real life as I can inside my own head.
The second best song in the world is also inside my head-it’s a cover of “Poison’s” 1987 megahit “Every Rose has its Thorn (but every night has its door-horr-horr-horrnnn)” sung by the Reverend Ian Paisley.
The “B” side of that single is him singing “Mr Bojangles” and "That's Armore". If you were lucky enough the get the 12 inch, it also has an unforgettable version of Elaine Paige and Barbara Dickson’s “I knew him so well” in which he duets with the late Pope John Paul II.
Did anyone see any coverage of the “T4 on the beach” bloody awful outdoor concert yesterday? Bilge of the highest order in my view. I’m not keen on outdoor concerts anyway (Glastonbury is a different matter), especially ones on the beach. And in Weston Super Mare. So not my sort of thing at all really.
Outdoor gigs are usually rubbish anyway, unless you actually like spending 2 hours queuing for a piss with a load of drunk, angry sunburned Geordies. Apparently the highlight of yesterday’s gig was a performance by “Dizzee Rascal”. For fucks sake…
The best song in the world is inside my head anyway-it’s my own arrangement of “Gold” by Spandau Ballet. It’s fucking brilliant, and the only barrier to getting it released and it going platinum and me being extremely fucking rich and buying a massive chimpanzee farm is that I unfortunately can’t sing as well in real life as I can inside my own head.
The second best song in the world is also inside my head-it’s a cover of “Poison’s” 1987 megahit “Every Rose has its Thorn (but every night has its door-horr-horr-horrnnn)” sung by the Reverend Ian Paisley.
The “B” side of that single is him singing “Mr Bojangles” and "That's Armore". If you were lucky enough the get the 12 inch, it also has an unforgettable version of Elaine Paige and Barbara Dickson’s “I knew him so well” in which he duets with the late Pope John Paul II.
Thursday 19 July 2007
A lesson to you all...
Today I went into our small walk-in stationary cupboard to get some sundry office items-a new ream of paper for my printer and some more staples.
Upon opening the door and entering the cupboard I was unexpectedly faced with a very small man in a wheelchair who was texting someone.
Wednesday 18 July 2007
Another day, another Twat...
Upon getting into the office today and checking my emails I had one of my “anger moments”.
I’m sure I’m not the only one out there for whom just the sight of a particular name in their inbox is enough to make them want to drive a Ford Cortina full of Calor gas into an old people’s home.
It never seems to matter much what the subject of the email is, because whenever I read it, to me is just looks like this:
From: Four eyed twat
Sent: 17 July 2007 23:59
To: Fat Edgar, Some other bastards
Subject: I’ve found a niggling, impossibly tiny inconsistency in something and am now going to bray on and on and on about it. I bet you’re glad I’m not your Dad.
Dear Fat Edgar
I can’t be the only person out there who feels like this…
Tuesday 17 July 2007
Do these fuckers not have anything else to worry about?
Yes, once again the BBC website has annoyed me. Well, not the BBC website itself, but rather the cretinous fuckmonkeys it reports on:
More fucking hippie bollocks
Isn’t it great when po-faced hippy idiots get really wound up and annoyed with something? I can just imagine them spitting lentils as they start shouting about it...
Just read the damning comments by the Ann Bryn-Evans, the“Joint Wessex District Manager for The Pagan Federation”. She has said that they will be doing some rain magic to get rid of this problem.
Rain Magic? Rain Magic??? FOR FUCKS SAKE do you stupid fuckers ever stop to wonder why you’re not regarded as a serious political force? Has it not occurred to you it might be because you come out with complete fucking dogshit like this?
Now is it just me, or is that just not a very Pagan job title she has either? It doesn’t make me think of a proud race of ancient warriors, it just makes me think of spreadsheets and hippies, which is weird.
At the end of the day, it’s a giant picture of man with a huge boner. How exactly can the addition of Homer Simpson, or anything else for that matter, make something like that any more or less ridiculous and absurd?
More fucking hippie bollocks
Isn’t it great when po-faced hippy idiots get really wound up and annoyed with something? I can just imagine them spitting lentils as they start shouting about it...
Just read the damning comments by the Ann Bryn-Evans, the“Joint Wessex District Manager for The Pagan Federation”. She has said that they will be doing some rain magic to get rid of this problem.
Rain Magic? Rain Magic??? FOR FUCKS SAKE do you stupid fuckers ever stop to wonder why you’re not regarded as a serious political force? Has it not occurred to you it might be because you come out with complete fucking dogshit like this?
Now is it just me, or is that just not a very Pagan job title she has either? It doesn’t make me think of a proud race of ancient warriors, it just makes me think of spreadsheets and hippies, which is weird.
At the end of the day, it’s a giant picture of man with a huge boner. How exactly can the addition of Homer Simpson, or anything else for that matter, make something like that any more or less ridiculous and absurd?
Friday 13 July 2007
Fraiday Afternoons...
Bah!!! still over half an hour to go...
What to do next? some light internet browsing, or perhaps i should just break open this paperweight and drink the blue liquid therein?
What to do next? some light internet browsing, or perhaps i should just break open this paperweight and drink the blue liquid therein?
The Wretched Inconvenience that is Modern Employment Law
In an abrupt move from the pseudo-political slant of some of my more recent rants I have decided today to move back to the arena with which I am far more familiar-my complete and utter contempt for most people.
There’s no escaping the fact that we are constantly surrounded by Divs. There was some research done a few years ago saying that the average city dweller was never more than ten feet away from a rat. I can absolutely fucking guarantee that if you work in an office you are considerably closer than this to a colossal fuckwit.
It can’t have escaped the attention of anyone who works in an office (I can’t speak for many other working environments although I suspect the situation is exactly the same) that some of the people in your office, if they weren’t using a computer as an adjunct to their somewhat basic intelligence, would have to forge themselves a new career in the lucrative and competitive world of “scrabbling in bins for food”, such is their seeming inability to perform even the most mundane of tasks outside of their normal remit without first staring blankly into the middle distance for a good ten fucking minutes.
I can see quite a few examples of this kind of genetic refuse from my fortified alcove in the corner of the office-people whose induction to their jobs appears to only have consisted of “right then, press a button once every minute-if that phone rings, pick it up and mumble a monosyllabic response-do this every day until six months before you die.”. Mind you, as long as they are allowed to eat pies while they are doing this they don’t seem to mind that much.
I have even, to my own misfortune, inherited a few when I took over this department (my first step on the way to world domination). Thankfully I have been able to get rid of most of them, but employment law being what it is, just like the stubborn stains around the bowl of the toilet after you’ve had a particularly virulent stomach bug, there are still one of two that are proving very resistant.
I may have to consult one of the management books I have been given regarding this problem, although I suspect that “Discover your inner Braying Fuckwit” or whatever it’s called won’t cover this situation. I might have to write my own book on this-I think I’m going to call it “Idiots: How to hurt their minds” or something similar. I think there's probably potential for a Seminar in that actually...
There’s no escaping the fact that we are constantly surrounded by Divs. There was some research done a few years ago saying that the average city dweller was never more than ten feet away from a rat. I can absolutely fucking guarantee that if you work in an office you are considerably closer than this to a colossal fuckwit.
It can’t have escaped the attention of anyone who works in an office (I can’t speak for many other working environments although I suspect the situation is exactly the same) that some of the people in your office, if they weren’t using a computer as an adjunct to their somewhat basic intelligence, would have to forge themselves a new career in the lucrative and competitive world of “scrabbling in bins for food”, such is their seeming inability to perform even the most mundane of tasks outside of their normal remit without first staring blankly into the middle distance for a good ten fucking minutes.
I can see quite a few examples of this kind of genetic refuse from my fortified alcove in the corner of the office-people whose induction to their jobs appears to only have consisted of “right then, press a button once every minute-if that phone rings, pick it up and mumble a monosyllabic response-do this every day until six months before you die.”. Mind you, as long as they are allowed to eat pies while they are doing this they don’t seem to mind that much.
I have even, to my own misfortune, inherited a few when I took over this department (my first step on the way to world domination). Thankfully I have been able to get rid of most of them, but employment law being what it is, just like the stubborn stains around the bowl of the toilet after you’ve had a particularly virulent stomach bug, there are still one of two that are proving very resistant.
I may have to consult one of the management books I have been given regarding this problem, although I suspect that “Discover your inner Braying Fuckwit” or whatever it’s called won’t cover this situation. I might have to write my own book on this-I think I’m going to call it “Idiots: How to hurt their minds” or something similar. I think there's probably potential for a Seminar in that actually...
Thursday 12 July 2007
Oh for fucks sake....
Sorry-this is another one from the BBC website that irritated me-I’ll try to be funny about it but no guarantees...
A feeble attempt to prevent children from becoming almost completely feral
This is a broadly similar issue to a rant I wrote a few weeks ago about filthy dole scum.
In an effort to “engage” with the youth of today it appears that once again the government is going to fuck around with education (and spend a shitload of money) to make it more “relevant” and “focused”. Whatever… In my experience the 2 major problems facing education are as follows:
1) A lot of teachers are Cunts
2) A lot of children are Cunts
And that’s about it really.
The ideal solution would be of course to ensure that all the cunts end up in the same buildings, however no one seems to have considered this as a viable option as yet. I think it’s only a matter of time though-most of the other avenues must be exhausted by now. The Government could give them a special name like “Dickhead Institutes” or something. It could be a lasting tribute to the fucking useless lard arse that is Gordon Brown.
I really do think I have a point here-thinking back to my own schooldays I am pretty sure that all problems could be traced back to the above two problems. For instance, most of my memories of lessons aren’t of learning about useful and/or interesting things as most of the lessons appeared to be punctuated at regular intervals by a incredibly stupid kids shouting and biting each other, whilst at the front of the class a social misfit who couldn’t handle a job where they would have to interact with other adults droned on about fucking Roman Roads, whilst completing failing to maintain order.
Most of these problems could have been dealt with at source-rather than continue to waste money on cretins it would make better financial sense in the long term to give them a tenners worth of smack and let nature take its course. I also think teaching should also not necessarily be the first choice of career for weak minded fools who couldn’t find another job with holidays that were quite as good.
That isn’t to say there aren’t very good teachers out there, but there are certainly some absolutely bloody appalling ones, and unfortunately it seems impossible to sack a teacher once they are in post unless they get caught fiddling with kids. Ideally we need more people who are like Rhodes Boyson and less people who are like Mr Bean in the profession.
That way perhaps I wouldn’t have had to rely on the History Channel to complete my education (actually that’s unfair-we never had that many lessons about Adolf Hitler, tiger sharks or the pyramids anyway)…
A feeble attempt to prevent children from becoming almost completely feral
This is a broadly similar issue to a rant I wrote a few weeks ago about filthy dole scum.
In an effort to “engage” with the youth of today it appears that once again the government is going to fuck around with education (and spend a shitload of money) to make it more “relevant” and “focused”. Whatever… In my experience the 2 major problems facing education are as follows:
1) A lot of teachers are Cunts
2) A lot of children are Cunts
And that’s about it really.
The ideal solution would be of course to ensure that all the cunts end up in the same buildings, however no one seems to have considered this as a viable option as yet. I think it’s only a matter of time though-most of the other avenues must be exhausted by now. The Government could give them a special name like “Dickhead Institutes” or something. It could be a lasting tribute to the fucking useless lard arse that is Gordon Brown.
I really do think I have a point here-thinking back to my own schooldays I am pretty sure that all problems could be traced back to the above two problems. For instance, most of my memories of lessons aren’t of learning about useful and/or interesting things as most of the lessons appeared to be punctuated at regular intervals by a incredibly stupid kids shouting and biting each other, whilst at the front of the class a social misfit who couldn’t handle a job where they would have to interact with other adults droned on about fucking Roman Roads, whilst completing failing to maintain order.
Most of these problems could have been dealt with at source-rather than continue to waste money on cretins it would make better financial sense in the long term to give them a tenners worth of smack and let nature take its course. I also think teaching should also not necessarily be the first choice of career for weak minded fools who couldn’t find another job with holidays that were quite as good.
That isn’t to say there aren’t very good teachers out there, but there are certainly some absolutely bloody appalling ones, and unfortunately it seems impossible to sack a teacher once they are in post unless they get caught fiddling with kids. Ideally we need more people who are like Rhodes Boyson and less people who are like Mr Bean in the profession.
That way perhaps I wouldn’t have had to rely on the History Channel to complete my education (actually that’s unfair-we never had that many lessons about Adolf Hitler, tiger sharks or the pyramids anyway)…
A challenge
I don't have the room anymore, but if anyone gets Guernica tattooed on their back (and provides photographic evidence), I'll treat them to a slap up feast and the Hotel de Posh.
Can't say fairer than that...
Can't say fairer than that...
Wednesday 11 July 2007
Compare and Contrast
This got on my goat today….
Please check out these two articles from the BBC website regarding the plight of young women:
This tragic story
and
This article which makes me understand why suicide bombers might want to destroy "The Infidel West"
And after reading them, just ask yourself:
Why the fuck don’t people have priorities?
Both articles involve risks to young women, and both articles involve models but other than that they are poles apart and I think they perfectly illustrate the levels of incredibly blinkered self involvement some people are capable of.
The first article details the extremely horrific and harrowing practice of female circumcision (called, quite rightly, in this article “Genital Mutilation”), and the activities of one particular woman, who after being forced to undergo this trauma has since been trying to eradicate this terrible and barbaric practice - I defy anyone to read this without it sending a shiver of horror down their spine. To know that this can happen to up to 3 million girls per year, and that there are people out here to whom carrying these procedures out is just a part of life is something that truly terrifies me.
The second article, rather differently, is about models who might be considered a bit too thin... It was also the one that had a special twenty minute slot on the BBC Breakfast news…
Although no doubt a very serious issue in its own right-everyone is aware of the danger, particularly relevant to young woman, of eating disorders. However, rather than concentrate on the effect of these disorders on normal women and girls, the article decides to concentrate on models. WHO ARE SUPPOSED TO BE TOO FUCKING THIN ANYWAY. Now I'm no tubby chaser myself but this one really annoyed me...
For fuck’s sake, we aren’t talking about normal people here, were talking about 8 foot tall, extremely self-involved, etiolated giraffe women who have FUCKING CHOSEN to enter a profession absolutely notorious for it’s terrible working practices in this area. It’s practically part of the job description for Christ’s sake…
Normal young women just don’t think “Hmmm….What’s my ideal career? I know-one that will involve about five years of eating nothing but fucking lettuce and being screamed at by outrageously camp men. I might even get drugged and raped at a party-wouldn’t that be super?” These people were fucking freaks to begin with…
To say that people aren’t aware of this is when they enter this profession is like someone deciding to become a Boxer, but not realising that it means they might get punched now and then.
The major issue in this article is not the issue that is pertinent to society as a whole, which is that perfectly normal shaped women are made to feel unattractive, and in many cases are suffering mentally and physically directly because of the ridiculously unreasonable ideals portrayed in the media, but that the British Fashion Council is defending its right to use these people.
Presumably they will trot out their usual excuses that “These women are used because clothes hang better on taller slimmer women”. They have also (although it is not mentioned in this article) for the same reason refused to ban the use of “Size Zero” models. Presumably because People like Karl Lagerfeld enjoy having a wank whilst fantasising about woman who look like a cross between coat hangers and a glockenspiel.
What utter fucking bollocks-from what I’ve seen of “fashion” (which admittedly isn’t much, however I am thinking specifically the likes of Gautier and Westwood) the clothes in question would look no less ridiculous if Kathy Burke was stamping up and down the catwalk in them than if “insert name of twelve year old, probably eastern European, currently popular, two-eyes-on-a-stick looking model here” was wearing them, indeed I would go as far as saying “clothes looking better” is very much a relative term when used to describe people dressed in a giant silk wasp costumes or similar items.
So, back to the original point-who do we feel most sorry for? The girls in the first article or the girls in the second? And guess which one will be on the news tonight…
Anyway, I think I might have got a bit too caring and “New Man” in this article so… erm… Phwooar, tits eh? Wahey!!! Fancy a fight?
Please check out these two articles from the BBC website regarding the plight of young women:
This tragic story
and
This article which makes me understand why suicide bombers might want to destroy "The Infidel West"
And after reading them, just ask yourself:
Why the fuck don’t people have priorities?
Both articles involve risks to young women, and both articles involve models but other than that they are poles apart and I think they perfectly illustrate the levels of incredibly blinkered self involvement some people are capable of.
The first article details the extremely horrific and harrowing practice of female circumcision (called, quite rightly, in this article “Genital Mutilation”), and the activities of one particular woman, who after being forced to undergo this trauma has since been trying to eradicate this terrible and barbaric practice - I defy anyone to read this without it sending a shiver of horror down their spine. To know that this can happen to up to 3 million girls per year, and that there are people out here to whom carrying these procedures out is just a part of life is something that truly terrifies me.
The second article, rather differently, is about models who might be considered a bit too thin... It was also the one that had a special twenty minute slot on the BBC Breakfast news…
Although no doubt a very serious issue in its own right-everyone is aware of the danger, particularly relevant to young woman, of eating disorders. However, rather than concentrate on the effect of these disorders on normal women and girls, the article decides to concentrate on models. WHO ARE SUPPOSED TO BE TOO FUCKING THIN ANYWAY. Now I'm no tubby chaser myself but this one really annoyed me...
For fuck’s sake, we aren’t talking about normal people here, were talking about 8 foot tall, extremely self-involved, etiolated giraffe women who have FUCKING CHOSEN to enter a profession absolutely notorious for it’s terrible working practices in this area. It’s practically part of the job description for Christ’s sake…
Normal young women just don’t think “Hmmm….What’s my ideal career? I know-one that will involve about five years of eating nothing but fucking lettuce and being screamed at by outrageously camp men. I might even get drugged and raped at a party-wouldn’t that be super?” These people were fucking freaks to begin with…
To say that people aren’t aware of this is when they enter this profession is like someone deciding to become a Boxer, but not realising that it means they might get punched now and then.
The major issue in this article is not the issue that is pertinent to society as a whole, which is that perfectly normal shaped women are made to feel unattractive, and in many cases are suffering mentally and physically directly because of the ridiculously unreasonable ideals portrayed in the media, but that the British Fashion Council is defending its right to use these people.
Presumably they will trot out their usual excuses that “These women are used because clothes hang better on taller slimmer women”. They have also (although it is not mentioned in this article) for the same reason refused to ban the use of “Size Zero” models. Presumably because People like Karl Lagerfeld enjoy having a wank whilst fantasising about woman who look like a cross between coat hangers and a glockenspiel.
What utter fucking bollocks-from what I’ve seen of “fashion” (which admittedly isn’t much, however I am thinking specifically the likes of Gautier and Westwood) the clothes in question would look no less ridiculous if Kathy Burke was stamping up and down the catwalk in them than if “insert name of twelve year old, probably eastern European, currently popular, two-eyes-on-a-stick looking model here” was wearing them, indeed I would go as far as saying “clothes looking better” is very much a relative term when used to describe people dressed in a giant silk wasp costumes or similar items.
So, back to the original point-who do we feel most sorry for? The girls in the first article or the girls in the second? And guess which one will be on the news tonight…
Anyway, I think I might have got a bit too caring and “New Man” in this article so… erm… Phwooar, tits eh? Wahey!!! Fancy a fight?
Wednesday 4 July 2007
Spare a thought for the Diana Impersonators
This is really a follow up to last weeks Diana Tribute concert, in all it’s mawkish glory. I didn’t watch it as it looked awful, like Glastonbury for the fox hunting set… I also got very annoyed with comments in the press telling us how bravely the “Young Princes” held up.
Now, I don’t want to sound cruel, and I know how tragic it must have been to lose your mother at such a young age (especially as she was pissed and shagging an Arab bloke at the time-that must have been hard) but it has been 10 years, and I would hope that their grief has been somewhat tempered by the passage of time now. Given that their favourite pastimes appear to be fox hunting and grabbing young women’s tits in night clubs you get the impression that they aren’t the most introspective of young men anyway…
I also imagine that it is somewhat easier to reconcile yourself to a family life of tragedy if you are filthy fucking rich than if you were some poor bastard who had a proper life to get on with, with all its attendant stresses and worries. If all you have to worry about is one of your fucking polo ponies going lame I imagine the rest of your life is quite easy.
Anyway, my idea for a TV programme to mark the decade since the tragic loss of our “Princess of Hearts” is:
“Diana: a Tribute to her Impersonators”
A programme in which we look at the fortunes of those young women who depended on HRH for a career, and what they have been doing since her untimely demise… I bet some of them became Jill Dando impersonators instead. Wonder how that worked out for them?
EDIT-wasn’t sure whether to add this bit-it was in the original draft I did, but I took it out as I felt it was a bit too sentimental, but I think I should add it now:
“It’s all a lot of fucking bollocks-two friends of mine have both lost parents this year-in both cases good people who led good lives and gave infinitely more to society than a that parasitic louse ever did. I also think that they would both be glad to know that their children won’t be getting “Dire Straits” out of whatever rehab/care home they are currently in to commemorate their passing.”
Now, I don’t want to sound cruel, and I know how tragic it must have been to lose your mother at such a young age (especially as she was pissed and shagging an Arab bloke at the time-that must have been hard) but it has been 10 years, and I would hope that their grief has been somewhat tempered by the passage of time now. Given that their favourite pastimes appear to be fox hunting and grabbing young women’s tits in night clubs you get the impression that they aren’t the most introspective of young men anyway…
I also imagine that it is somewhat easier to reconcile yourself to a family life of tragedy if you are filthy fucking rich than if you were some poor bastard who had a proper life to get on with, with all its attendant stresses and worries. If all you have to worry about is one of your fucking polo ponies going lame I imagine the rest of your life is quite easy.
Anyway, my idea for a TV programme to mark the decade since the tragic loss of our “Princess of Hearts” is:
“Diana: a Tribute to her Impersonators”
A programme in which we look at the fortunes of those young women who depended on HRH for a career, and what they have been doing since her untimely demise… I bet some of them became Jill Dando impersonators instead. Wonder how that worked out for them?
EDIT-wasn’t sure whether to add this bit-it was in the original draft I did, but I took it out as I felt it was a bit too sentimental, but I think I should add it now:
“It’s all a lot of fucking bollocks-two friends of mine have both lost parents this year-in both cases good people who led good lives and gave infinitely more to society than a that parasitic louse ever did. I also think that they would both be glad to know that their children won’t be getting “Dire Straits” out of whatever rehab/care home they are currently in to commemorate their passing.”
The Cuddly Pleasant Face of the Far Right..
Did anyone watch that programme about fascism last night? Think it was called “Fascism in Colour” or some thing similar…
It was part of Channel 5’s attempts to move away from their traditional “Some tits and a car chase” evening schedule into something remotely intellectual (best of luck I say-if channel 4 are going to continue showing “Big Brother” and it’s numerous farcical offshoots I can’t see why Channel 5 can’t try to win some viewers over)
Anyway, it was really quite good-a view (the word analysis would be an exaggeration) of Italian fascism (did you know the word “Fascism” comes from an Italian word meaning “we’re unemployed, but wearing cool clothes and having a scrap looks like a bloody good laugh”. Or something like that anyway…), but it was mostly in colour, which was quite a nice touch.
It was also quite timely, showing as it did what can happen to a country when it gets taken over by a funny looking lardy cunt with no clear agenda, although in his favour Benito Mussolini was a bit more glamorous than Gordon Brown, and was also considerably less Scottish (which is two points in his favour-so far it’s Benito 1, Gordon 0)
It was quite a strange programme in so far as it tried to differentiate between “Fascism” and “Nazism”, and seemed, at least in my opinion, like it was trying to suggest that fascism was like an informal, jolly, vaguely farcical and slightly cuddly organisation. A bit like “Eddie Large” would be, if he was a political force in the early twentieth century, especially when compared to the far more dour and darkly sinister “Sid Little” type of movement that Nazism was.
Ultimately of course, just like “Little and Large”, it all ended in an acrimonious spilt, preceded by a rapid decline in fortune after several years of successively decreasing popularity ratings. Except Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini didn’t have a crap sketch/magic/variety show on Saturday evenings (although if they had, perhaps Europe would be a very different place now).
Seem to have got off the point a bit now…
Tomorrow I will be providing an in depth analysis of the causes, escalation and final resolution of the “Cold War”, and the eventual defeat of communist ideology by the market forces of the “Free World”, with specific reference and comparisons to Les Dennis and Dustin Gee, and their ill-fated (and grotesquely misnamed) “Laughter Show”.
It was part of Channel 5’s attempts to move away from their traditional “Some tits and a car chase” evening schedule into something remotely intellectual (best of luck I say-if channel 4 are going to continue showing “Big Brother” and it’s numerous farcical offshoots I can’t see why Channel 5 can’t try to win some viewers over)
Anyway, it was really quite good-a view (the word analysis would be an exaggeration) of Italian fascism (did you know the word “Fascism” comes from an Italian word meaning “we’re unemployed, but wearing cool clothes and having a scrap looks like a bloody good laugh”. Or something like that anyway…), but it was mostly in colour, which was quite a nice touch.
It was also quite timely, showing as it did what can happen to a country when it gets taken over by a funny looking lardy cunt with no clear agenda, although in his favour Benito Mussolini was a bit more glamorous than Gordon Brown, and was also considerably less Scottish (which is two points in his favour-so far it’s Benito 1, Gordon 0)
It was quite a strange programme in so far as it tried to differentiate between “Fascism” and “Nazism”, and seemed, at least in my opinion, like it was trying to suggest that fascism was like an informal, jolly, vaguely farcical and slightly cuddly organisation. A bit like “Eddie Large” would be, if he was a political force in the early twentieth century, especially when compared to the far more dour and darkly sinister “Sid Little” type of movement that Nazism was.
Ultimately of course, just like “Little and Large”, it all ended in an acrimonious spilt, preceded by a rapid decline in fortune after several years of successively decreasing popularity ratings. Except Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini didn’t have a crap sketch/magic/variety show on Saturday evenings (although if they had, perhaps Europe would be a very different place now).
Seem to have got off the point a bit now…
Tomorrow I will be providing an in depth analysis of the causes, escalation and final resolution of the “Cold War”, and the eventual defeat of communist ideology by the market forces of the “Free World”, with specific reference and comparisons to Les Dennis and Dustin Gee, and their ill-fated (and grotesquely misnamed) “Laughter Show”.
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