Monday, 23 February 2009

FOGLE'S ALIVE?!?!?!?!?!

I was hoping something interesting would happen to him (zombification preferably) with this flesh eating bug thing he had but….

The cunts alive...

Look at him. Look at his smug fucking face. The cunt.

Looks like it’s made of wax that’s melted a bit then set all funny doesn’t it? It’s got an annoying fucking wiry quiff made out some hair taken from a pig’s arse perched on top of it too. He looks like a cross between fire damaged shop dummy and fucking Tintin… But with a braying public school voice.

It doesn’t look like a human face, that’s for sure.

It looks like something that a Victorian explorer might have found buried in ice somewhere, and then promptly sent back sent back to the Royal Society with a note saying

“Gentlemen, I invite my esteemed and learned colleagues to inspect this specimen at their leisure. When it was found, my superstitious native guides absconded forthwith, their primitive fear of its visage was so great. I must confess, I find myself utterly confounded by it-is it man, ape or Hottentot?”

I’ve not been posting my hate inciting rubbish for a while-it’s because I’ve been clinically dead since November- a combination of faulty wiring, gout, stubborn cattle, reduced price sea food from Tesco, a festering leg wound from the Falkland’s war and just plain bad luck.

I’ve been reanimated by cutting edge technology, arcane techniques and Black Magic.

You know those Nazi scientists who live in underground bases in Antarctica and have been keeping Adolf Hitler’s head alive in a jar? Well, that’s where I’ve been. Nice bunch of lads actually…

I actually spoke to Hitler’s head whilst I was there-he's doing quite well and sends his regards.

Thursday, 19 February 2009

I love being told what to do by 95 year old virgins…

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/Pope Crazy the Twelfth

This is a great little article written about an ancient celibate academic and his views on the dangers of pleasure…

There’s some particularly stand out quotes in there:

“(in men) the urge for food was only surpassed by the urge for sex.”

What’s wrong with that? Speaking for myslf, if I’m not thinking about fucking, I’m generally thinking about sandwiches-it’s been much the same since puberty and I’m fairly certain it’s not jeopardised my immortal soul that much.

It’s when you get them all mixed up and end up eating prostitutes and fucking a dead pig in a cabin in the woods that the trouble starts…

“Msgr Giertych said the most difficult sin for men to face was lust, followed by gluttony, sloth, anger, pride, envy and greed For women, the most dangerous sins were pride, envy, anger, lust, and sloth, he added.”


A fairly comprehensive list, but no mention there of Dopey, Bashful, Sneezy or Doc which are my main ones.


The church as updated their list of sins (which must be a great job):
“These included: genetic modification, experiments on the person, environmental pollution, taking or selling illegal drugs, social injustice, causing poverty and financial greed.”


Which in my opinion is a bit fucking rich, considering that the Catholic Church has historically been responsible for most instances of the last three on the list over the past 2000 years. It’s also clear that the last 2 Popes were ripped off their tits pretty much all the time as well.

Anyway, they are at least leading by example:

“Pope Benedict, who reportedly confesses his sins once a week, last year issued his own voice of disquiet on the subject.”

One has to wonder why he does this? According to Wikipedia his only interests (other than persecuting homosexuals and discouraging contraception in the third world) are pianos and cats, which doesn’t leave a lot of scope for conventional sin.

What does he do that he needs to confess once a week? He’s 81 years old for fucks sake-even if he wanted to there’s not much he could do. Perhaps he lusts after rich tea biscuits?

Tuesday, 10 February 2009

What will happen to the Nazi vicars???

http://news.bbc.co.uk/Paedophiles yes, Fascists no...

Personally I don’t think it’s fair. If someone wants to believe in a big beard in the sky who invented camels and whatnot I see no reason why they can’t also believe something as patently ridiculous as Nick Griffin being a viable political alternative.

It’s not without precedent after all-we should never forget the inestimable help provided by the Catholic Church to former SS personnel in the aftermath of WWII. Without their brave actions in the face of the Allies determination, far fewer war criminals would have gone on to lead blameless and productive lives in South America.

In other news, Giant Horses are ace-at least this one is. Is it art? Who cares-IT’S A GIANT FUCKING HORSE!!!!