Apparently recent research has suggested that modern families do not touch or hug each other frequently enough. Now pardon me, but I’m fairly certain that the news is full of stories about families that apparently touch each other a little bit too much…
Anyway, we are being criticised for not being a tactile nation-we should be making more effort to hug and kiss our family friends and colleagues. Our colleagues?
Really? Can’t see that going down too fucking well on a building site, can you?
As far as I am concerned you can keep this kind of behaviour where it belongs-on the filthy continent… As an Englishman I am duty bound and psychologically conditioned to greet people in only 2 ways:
- A firm steady handshake with unwavering eye contact. The correct way to greet an acquaintance is with something along the lines of “Good to see you Carruthers old man-how goes the putting down of the mutiny in
- A challenge to a duel to avenge my own, (or my good lady’s) honour. Enough of this acquiescence to the carelessness of gutter scum! If I am jostled in the street, rather than accepting a half hearted apology it is my God given right to turn on the filthy wretch, slash them across the face with my shooting stick and shout “I’ll have satisfaction from you sir, by God I will!”
All other behaviours should be quite alien to the Englishman. That is all.
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