Small Minded Filthy Little Shit Weasels

Once again I am driven to despair by the sheer gross ineptitude of many of my “Colleagues”. “Colleagues” is a term I hesitate to use as it suggests they are my peers, both intellectually and socially and not in actual fact a series of increasingly exasperating cretins whose only real contribution to the well being of civilisation would be if they were rendered down into soap.

I have however noticed patterns forming… most colleagues can now be lumped into one of the following categories:

• Girls rejected from open auditions for “Girls Aloud” for being too fat/common/both

• People with disappointing levels of personal hygiene and an absolute inability to link together any disparate concepts when presented with a situation that was previously outside their sphere of experience, but who nevertheless less have managed to formulate intricate conspiracy theories as to why they have been repeatedly passed over for promotion.

• People who have clearly been kicked in the head quite hard by horses .

• Slightly sinister middle aged ladies who seem only vaguely aware they are working in the broad and far reaching world of IT.

• Cunts.

• People who send me a succession of witless emails, and then stand over my desk fidgeting and sweating unpleasantly and insisting, despite the fact that I am )even by just a cursory examination) quite a busy person at the moment thank you, open up a film clip attachment of a man driving a motorbike into a wall which is apparently “Just a classic innit? Just a classic” and refusing to leave until I acknowledge that this was, indeed, one of the funniest things that I have ever seen.

• People who ask me exactly the same question each and everyday despite the fact that I am fairly sure I really was very, very clear about this the last time I spoke to them, to the degree that I begin to wonder if my life has become “Groundhog Day”.

• Surly misanthropic passive aggressive types who are the size of malnourished children yet who will try to put a series of almost insurmountable obstacles and hurdles in your way until you challenge them about it, at which point they dissolve into a series of hearty yet insincere smiles.

• Brash and abrasive sales types whose boorish arrogance and overbearing aftershave fail to disguise that fact that they probably spend most of their spare time sat in an unfurnished flat, in their underpants, crying and wanking.

• (More) Cunts