Harumph!

As I clearly have the mindset of a reactionary and choleric Victorian bishop (with all it’s attendant prejudice and fury) plain Common Sense tells me that of I even set foot outside my house without a stout oaken staff I will immediately be knifecrimed in the face by a some kind of despicable hoodie wearing paedogrant Hottentot (or someone of a similar stripe).

Why is this so? Well, let’s look at the facts of the matter:

Take your average picaninnie chap-bright as a button until they reach the age of twelve or thirteen, then the dark and savage heart of Africa that beats within them begins to exert its evil and malign influence, breaking the chains of civilisation placed upon them by the white man and once again making them more animal than man…

All rational thought and intelligence is driven from them and they become governed only by the insatiable impulses of their loins and the urge to kill and destroy-they become shambling beasts, more animal than man, devoid of all moral centre. Stalking the streets like slavering hyenas, a danger to all women (and men), especially white ones…

Unfortunately for the kinds of insane petrol-drinking emasculated maniac little Englanders who actually believe this kind of bollocks (and would no doubt nod enthusiastically in agreement as they read it), it would appear the official statistics don’t actually bear out this astoundingly paranoid but commonly held fantasy:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/CRIME!!!/graphs and stuff

If you can be arsed following the lines and trends (I can’t) it would appear that your actual risk of being a victim of crime appears to have lessened somewhat significantly.

Personally, I wouldn’t know as I never leave the house. I prefer to hide behind the sofa gibbering softly to myself in case the Muslims try to blow me up.