Wednesday 17 September 2008

Gordon Ramseys Home Invasion

I deeply admire Gordon Ramsey-he looks like the bastard offspring of John Mills and Frankenstein’s Monster and (along with Duncan Banntyne) he uses his Scottishness as a weapon against his enemies…


However, I feel it unfair that his anger and deeply inventive invective should only be directed towards those that are unlucky enough to work in the professional kitchens he frequents -I’m all for him being given a fair chance to be equally unpleasant to everybody in the country.


I’ve had an idea for a live TV show in which Gordon Ramsey bursts into random peoples kitchens (selected by a lottery of the electoral register) whilst they are making their tea and subjects them to torrents of personal abuse.


I think it would add a fantastic sense of apprehension if you turned the program on, or were in the kitchen making your tea, not knowing whether tonight he would be visiting your house, kicking your door down and screaming:


“Call that a fucking stew? It looks like a fucking retard came in and fucked it up the arse!!!” and then throwing it at you and stabbing you in the chest with a fork repeatedly whilst crying and shouting “Don’t you care about food you stupid cunt? WELL FUCKING DON’T YOU?”

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