I had this idea a few nights ago after watching about 4 seconds of “Ultimate Force” starring Ross Kemp. I was reminded of it when I saw this rather amusing article.
I’m a bit fucking sick of this man and his bizarre “hard man” posturing. Where does it come from? Certainly not any reputation other than that of characters he has flicking played on rubbish TV. How the fuck did that happen? It seems to be a case of “life imitating Plebdazzle garbage TV”.
The end of the show will consist of me and Kemp fighting in a series of deserted garages with large, and very solid, frying pans. The show will end with me victorious, standing above Kemp spitting and hurling incoherent abuse at his smug fucking face.
The other part of the show will consist of an actor pretending to be Kemp’s mentally retarded younger brother (naturally without Kemp's knowledge) visiting various large cites and getting his cock out on busy thoroughfares.
Around his neck will be a piece of string and a small piece of card saying “I am Ross Kemp’s retarded younger brother-in case of any “incidents” please call Ross Kemp for assistance-a monetary reward may be forthcoming”. The idea being Ross Kemp will get a phone call from a different Police force every week asking him to come and collect his brother from Bristol or wherever as he has been “making a bit of a scene”.
I plan to do this every week just to see how he reacts and until the tabloids produce a headline like “TV STAR GRANT MITCHELL TELLS SPASTIC BROTHER TO FUCK OFF”, at which point his career will be effectively over.
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