I’ve been dealing with Scottish people a lot recently. And a very fine race of unstable ginger bearded lunatics they are too. I have bonded with them however, with the liberal use of colloquialisms within my emails-words like “Hoots mon”, “Och aye the noo” and it’s a braw bricht moonlit nicht” and so forth.
I have even added substantial digressions on the subject of haggis and other offal based products and have resisted the urge to refer to them as “Scotch” (which is a drink, not a race) or “Porridge Wogs” (which is a racial slur)
I have however picked up a few useful pithy old Scottish phrases I thought were very amusing and can be used in conversation-they are more effective if you try to sound like Private Frazer from Dads Army when you say them:
- A gowk at Yule'll no be bricht at Beltane: Literally this means that a person who is a fool at Christmas will not be wise in May i.e. you cannot change a person's inherited character.
- A green Yule maks a fat kirkyaird: A mild Christmas fills the cemetery.
- A'm no a scone o that bakin: I’m not one of that sort.
- Dinna cuist awa the cog whan the cou flings: Do not give up at the first misfortune - try, try again.
- A puir man is fain o little: We have the highest incidence of heart disease in the
- A stap out o ane's bicker: In many of the more remote parts of our bleak and godforsaken country the only recreational activities available are binge drinking and rape.
- A tod nivver sped better nor whan he gaed his ain errand: We have been an economic millstone around the neck of
- Aye stickin his graip in his neibour's midden: Our national dish is made from bits of animals even Indians would throw away. Mmmm, tasty muck…..
OH FLOWER OF
When will we see your like again
That fought and died for..
Mumble mumble mumble….
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