What the blue fuck is this?

Browsing the web and found this:

http://www.bastardclownsforfuckinghire.com/

I really, really fucking hate clowns…

Why the hell would anyone want one of these? The only possible reason I can think of is to instil respect through fear into small children. It’s something I’m planning on doing when my child gets old enough to start playing up-I’ll hire a clown to “entertain” them for a few hours. It’ll seem like a lifetime of balloon animals and terrifying red-painted rictus grins to them…

I think I would probably only need to hire a clown once-the psychological scarring on my child’s delicate sensibilities should be sufficient that the mere mention of “Do I need to call the clown?” in stern voice should be enough to ensure instant obedience. It uses many of the same concepts as the much vaunted “naughty step” but reinforces the lessons learnt with unreasoning terror.

In many ways, it’s the extension of my own concept of “the naughty tree” where bad children are placed to learn the error of their ways. It’s particularly effective in autumn, when they have to fight off hungry crows as well as maintain their balance on the slippery bark. Teaches them a lot about life I think.

For those in more urban areas (or just those with more restricted space), I would suggest the “naughty cupboard” as a viable alternative. If there are spiders in there, all the better-if they don’t like spiders, they shouldn’t have stolen a biscuit, should they?

These hints and tips, plus many more, on child rearing will soon be available in my new book “I’ll Have Respect From You, By God I Will..!-A Guide to Subduing Insolent Children” which is a follow up to the bestselling guide “Mantraps, Caltraps and other things to dissuade inquisitive little feet”, both by Dr Fat Edgar.