Had a weird dream last night (yes, I am aware they are supposed to be weird-they are dreams after all) in which I was fighting in the Fray Bentos army against the army of Ribena. It was all very lifelike (well, it was like “Call of Duty” or something similar anyway) and I was some kind of Andy McNab type character.
Anyway, eventually the top brass at Fray Bentos betrayed me and sent me on a mission I wasn’t supposed to survive. Luckily, instead of my demise (as they had planned) I was captured alive by the Ribena army, whose cause was just, so I ended up fighting for them against the Fray Bentos side instead.
It was a fantastic dream, I thoroughly enjoyed it and I think there’s a book in it too.
Anyway, what I was actually going to write about was either a) Elvis or b) a Lad’s nights out. Couldn’t think of anything to write about Elvis until the 30th anniversary of his death hysteria dies down (and by “hysteria” what I mean is a series of ITV specials)
We had a Lad’s night out last week, which was a right good laugh except I felt absolutely bloody awful the next day (although I wasn’t sick on any furniture).
I have however found the secret of getting your partner to agree to Lads nights out (or girls nights out for that matter) without undue levels of tricky negotiation. Simply ask for far, far more than you require and slowly haggle it down to an acceptable level:
“Hi Love-got a mail from Barry Bear earlier-We’re off out next Friday to kill some prostitutes then buy loads of crack from a black man in an inner city pub car park”
“No”
“Can we go out to a knocking shop, then onto an all night drinking den, frequented by people who have just come out of prison instead?”
“Hmmm…well…..”
“How about if I just go out and get completely fucking twatted and promise to come home alive, if somewhat unsteady and be fuck all use for anything the next day? (As indeed I did)”
“Yeah, OK. Have Fun love!!”
Easy…
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