Sometimes I wish I had hooves instead of feet just so I could kick idiots to death more effectively…

But that’s just the way I am really. Recently I said some unkind things about supermarket sausages and “fancy poofter sausages”. I’d like to apologise for this. A few days ago I tried some ASDA finest pork, cranberry and Chilli sausages which were absolutely top notch bangers. It’s opened up a whole new world of sausage treats for me. Highly recommended, however the pork and leek ones, although tasty, did give me an upset stomach.

Sometimes I think my love of all things pork is all that stops me being one of those “Jihadists” you hear about in the news. That, and that if I grow a beard my face itches. No self respecting suicide bomber should be seen without a full luxuriant beard. It would be letting the side down.

This morning we have a representative from one of our branches in London in our office (we are most honoured). He’s a bit like Ray Winstone but on amphetamines. It’s quite disconcerting at this hour, especially as he’s ranting about the withdrawal of British troops from Northern Ireland.

Big sharp hooves…