The Face of Britain (is unappealing)

I recently watched the above programme on C4 and was absolutely astounded at what scientists can do these days (I stumbled across it because I originally thought it was going to be a programme about cockney gangsters presented by Ray Winstone, and although disappointed to find I was mistaken I decided to keep watching).

It was all about DNA testing and where your ancestors were from and that kind of thing (I thought we were all descended from Monkeys in Africa but apparently it's all a bit more complicated than that, and went some way to explaining the link between Monkeys in Africa and my own ancestors, who lived in Manchester).

I forgot what it was they did exactly, but it was clever stuff with test tubes and they all wore lab coats (like they do in adverts), and I was suitably impressed and fairly certain it was all kosher.

Anyway, the premise of the show was that if you get pictures of all the people in Cornwall and then amalgamate them somehow (using computers and technology and the like), you get an image of a typical Cornish face (if you really want one).

As I said, there was some DNA testing and stuff in there as well but I didn’t really follow that too well. Programmes about DNA if they involve Mutant Sharks, or some hellish form of hybrid Chimera between a tiger and a wolf are interesting, whereas DNA in Cornish people isn’t really as compelling. I think most people would agree with me on that.

The programme was presented by that little bloke off “Coast”-the one that looks like a cross between Tony Robinson and Michael Praed from “Robin of Sherwood”, (I forgot his name and can’t be arsed looking it up).

He’s a weaselly little fucker, and looks a bit French-you’d know him if you saw him. He wears a wax jacket and looks like the man who sells dodgy speed and knock-off rolling tobacco in your local-fuck knows how he got on TV really, as he looks like a professional rapist…

I don’t suppose it came as a surprise to anyone that the “Average Cornish Face” (as i had been suspecting) actually looks like Liam Gallagher after he’s been hit in the face with a frying pan a couple of times.

I could have told them that for half the cost and spent the difference buying myself a sausage mountain.