the little bleeders...
There's really no way to broach this subject area and discuss it irrationally (as I am wont to do) without entering into a veritable minefield of "political correctness gone mad" type hysteria.
So it's best for all concerned if i just cut to the chase and just say "All Dwarves are Evil" (not as evil as clowns though, but still pretty fucking evil). Have you ever followed a dwarf? I have. Lots of times. You'd be surprised what they get up to. Oh, Yes...it's nothing like "The Ewok Adventure", that's for sure.
A friend of mine had a particularly traumatic experience as a young woman. She worked in a pub next to a theatre playing "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves" during the run up to Christmas. Apparantly real dwarves are much worse than "Seven Dwarves" type dwarves...Dirty, viscous little fuckers.
How would you like it if your local was overrun every night by a crowd of steaming, sexually aggressive, hyperactive midgets? I think it gave her PTSD, the poor cow.
Mind you, you can hardly blame them can you? Everyone else gets told at school they can be whatever they like when they leave school (which is of course bollocks, but at least they made the effort to maintain the illusion until you got your exam results)- you can be a Doctor, Dentist, Prime Minister, whatever...
What do little dwarf children get told? I expect it's something along the lines of "Look Kid, unless they make a sequel to "Time Bandits", you're fucked. Your best bet is porn...Buy yourself a cowboy hat and move to Amsterdam".
FACT-every year more people are killed by dwarves than by fire.
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Great article. I have witnessed your dwarf phobia at close quarters on a number of occasions ... people don't understand the terrible damage this phobia can cause. God willing, we shall find a cure for this most heinous of ailments.
However ... I do remember you chasing after one of the 'wee ones' in a nightclub once; I think we spent a good hour discussing the best way to grapple and subsequently toss the little fella across the dance floor. Don't think any tossing occurred in the end though!
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