Why liking "Friends" doesn't make me gay

Quite why I have suddenly come to like this programme is a complete mystery to me, as for many years I hated it for its smug blandness (and hated the people that watched it for broadly similar reasons).

Possibly it’s because despite the publicity spin the show had (That "Hey, the actors who play the character really are "Friends" outside the show-isn't that just soooo cool...."), it was quite clear (especially towards the end) that the actors despised each other with a level of suppressed hatred and fury even I would have trouble matching it, so you got exchanges like this:

The fat sarcastic one who clearly wears a corset: "Hey there buddy, how’s it going? My Old Buddy..."

The Italian one who's weight control problems are so severe they actually have to write his eating disorders into the fucking plotline: "Jeez buddy, you're such a funny guy..."

And then there's that other one-Ross, the one who even the people who normally like the show think is a complete cunt. I’ve not seen the last ever episode so I’m just pretending that at the end of the series he gets caught by the people in the film “Hostel” and that theytie him to a chair and tear his testicles off with pliers or something.

The writers obviously gave him the name "Geller" because they thought giving him the surname "Fucking Annoying and Predictably Neurotic Jewish Guy" was a bit too obvious, even for American audiences. Incidentally he was also for some time seeing Natalie Imbruglia-famous for one song you will have heard and many albums you won't have.

(She's one of those girls who desperately try to look like they are giving the camera coy, vulnerable glances but in reality look like they are staring at the camera with mongoloid blankness. Is that supposed to be sexy? 'cos if you think it is, you should be in Prison. (you may be interested to know that “Imbruglia” is apparently not pronounced "Imbruglia", it's pronounced "Imbrouhahaha" or something. Now, how the fuck were we supposed to guess that then?))

Anyway, back to the fucking point (if there is one, which I don’t think there is)...

I've always lumped the programme together with shows like "Sex and the City" and "Seinfeld" and "That one with the woman with the gay best friend that's like, so funny..."

I.e. I have always assumed that I would never watch it, and if it came it on TV I would immediately think “What kind of fucking bollocks is this?” then change channels until I found a re-run of "The Sweeney" or " The Professionals" then sit back to watch it farting manfully, drinking a can of lager whilst scratching my cock ( I could have Lewis Collins in a fight by the way, even if he does think he’s a bit tasty…). But that doesn't seem to be the case.

If anyone can think of a way out of this predicament that doesn't end up with me chugging cock and wearing pink shoes I would be most grateful...