Once again FatEdgar has a new manager. To be honest, I don’t normally even bother to learn their names now. They come and go so fast. Generally in floods of tears.
Anyway, this one has come along with all kinds of vigour and unspecified “new ideas”, so we have had the same conversation I always seem have with new managers (in between a series of "meetings" they were attending):
NM: So Fat Edgar, what do you think we can do to improve productivity?
FE: The department is being run on a fucking shoe string-there’s been no real investment for years. Employ some new people. Oh yes, and fire the mongs please.
NM: OK, interesting ideas, but not sure we have the budget space for that.
FE: I had a premonition that I didn’t think you would have.
NM: Any other ideas what we could do?
FE: No, without more people we’re fucked. That’s the bottom line. Please don’t ask me to look at “other ways of working” or any other bullshit, because believe me I’ve got this as streamlined as possible. I’ve had to, you clueless cunt…
NM: Hmmm….Have you looked at other ways of working?
FE: No-I have just sat here like a fucking idiot for the last few years working as inefficiently as possible and improving nothing. I just whip the bastards to make them work harder until they start crying, then I sell their organs and boil their bones up for soup the feed the others.
NM: OK-I have observed the way this department works for approximately 12 and one half seconds and have decided that I now know it in its entirety and have formulated a better way to make it work. Please implement this immensely unwieldy and ultimately pointless plethora of procedures with great big glaring fucking holes in them immediately.
It’s no wonder we steal is it? Anyone who works in an office and who buys their own tea bags and stationary is a fool….
2 comments:
Is that why we now have a bin bag of out of date Office Depot teabags in our kitchen?
yes my precious little petal-I'm saving us literally £££££££££s.
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