Another year over, a new one begun…

And a happy new year to you all…

This year’s new years resolutions (so far) are as follows:

1. Do something about my apathy-This was thrown into stark relief for me last year when I was at the Great Yorkshire Show, and due to a series of coincidences I found myself a) having bought a machete and also b) finding myself within stabbing distance of HRH Prince Charles. Any man worthy of his salt from a previous generation would have used the opportunity to rid the world of a dandified, parasitic Crown Prince (and subsequently plunge Europe into the carnage of Total War) and yet I did NOTHING. My communist grandfather would be turning in his grave if he knew know I missed such an opportunity. I admit I thought about a spot of regicide, but then thought “Why bother? Why fucking bother?” Absurd isn’t it? Won’t let it happen again.

2. Learn to have less patience with fools. I still find I suffer fools, despite the fact that they are clearly a waste of genetic material and should be disposed of as such. I think our company’s yearly party (held later this month, rather than in the run up to xmas, in order to cut costs) will be an ideal opportunity to explore this. Although I find it increasingly difficult, I do manage to hold my tongue between the hours of nine till five and refuse to give in to the temptation to refer to people as cunts, however I suspect that outside these hours, and with the addition of copious amounts of alcohol this will become a moot point.

3. Robbie Fucking Williams. I can’t even watch him on TV without wanting to gut him like a fucking fish, so why not? Who would ever grieve for him?

4. Bomb Making. An increasingly valuable and desirable skill set. Must swot up on this as it seems that in our brave new world anyone who can create an exploding rucksack will never be short of gainful employment.

Here’s to a happy and prosperous New Year!!