This is the first thing I overheard when I got into the office this morning and the words “No, but they are from Keswick” were said with such conviction, sincerity and ringing approbation I immediately thought “ooh, I bet they are nice”. So I stole one. It tasted rubbish. Never trust biscuits from Keswick.
It also made me thing “What a fucking stupid thing to say” Now, it doesn’t take much to set me off first thing in the morning (quite frankly spilling some tea is normally enough to turn me into Dennis Hopper’s character from “Blue Velvet”) but this kind of early morning idiocy really fucking hacks me right off.
“Are the home made?”
"No, but they are from Keswick"
WHAT. THE. FUCK???
While were on the subject I’d like to rationally discuss a small bugbear of mine regarding biscuits (see how neatly I segued into that?). It’s regarding those posh tins of Shortbread you get that say “All butter Shortbread” on them. That really fucking pisses me off. They obviously aren’t all butter if they are fucking shortbread. If they were all butter they would just be butter wouldn't they? You stupid fucking cunts...
Why do you just not fucking get that? You put it on all the tins, along with a tartan pattern and a picture of a highland cow/deer/bloke playing bagpipes. Just because you’re Scottish doesn’t give you an excuse to say things like that, especially when you look in the ingredients are butter is right down at the bottom, listed after chalk and sawdust.
Other than that I quite like shortbread, even if it reminds me more of a third world building material than a food stuff
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