What I would like to see on TV

I’ve been asked what I would like to see more of on TV-luckily there’s a wide range of programmes I’d like to see more of on TV.

Here are a few I have thought of:

More programmes where people go out and film people getting drunk and being sick in the street on weekends. They are very low brow, but they do reinforce my illusions of supremacy, and thus make me a far more effective and prolific serial murderer/rapist.

Convicted criminals being forced to fight to the death

"Animal Park"-one of the best documentary programmes ever shown, but aired on TV when I am actually likely to be at home. And without Ben Bastard Fogle on it.

One channel that just shows a looped tape of someone hammering loads of nails into Mick Hucknall’s cock

Friends

A musical version of “Sweeney Todd” with dwarves in it. But with massive pies.

Some form of televised eBay where I could buy loads of random shit without moving from my chair. Or bothering to put on any pants. I could just sit there and gets loads of Elvis memorabilia and car parts delievered.

More Norwegian Black Metal Music on "Songs Of Praise"

A channel devoted entirely to documentaries about Hitler (a bit like the History channel really, but with more white supremacy and less about the fucking Romans…)

A show called “I’m a Celebrity Big Ice Bastard Cunt Jungle Fucker Brother Twat Idol” in which every single celebrity in the whole world gets invited one by one to go to a warehouse where they then get torn apart by robots that are controlled by Oliver Reed’s Ghost.

What I really would like is a device that I plug into my freeview box that alerts me whenever a G n’ R video is being shown on any channel. Viewing old G n’ R videos is one of the few unadulterated pleasures still available to me…

A re-make of Bergerac with a cast entirely made up of dogs.

Mexican Wrestling

The Flumps